This is Gonna Hurt

What does the Bible really mean when it talks about "the rod"?

For generations, many Christians have heard the phrase "spare the rod, spoil the child" and assumed Proverbs 13:24 was primarily about punishment. But what if the image behind the proverb is much deeper than we realize?

In this message, Nicole Barnett explores the Hebrew language and imagery behind the "rod," uncovering connections to shepherds, kings, protection, guidance, and responsibility. Through personal testimony and biblical reflection, she challenges us to consider how authority is meant to be used—not as a weapon of fear, but as a tool of care.

Whether you're a parent, grandparent, teacher, pastor, or simply someone trying to follow Jesus faithfully, this message asks a powerful question: What image of Christ are we showing to the people entrusted to our care?

Linkoln shares his story on why he started coming to Ravenna Church of the Nazarene and shares why you should consider doing the same.

Ravenna Church of the Nazarene
530 Main Street, Ravenna, KY 40472

Transcript

Pastor Jason 0:00

What if I told you the Bible never actually says spare the rod, spoil the child? And what if the rod in Proverbs wasn't s primarily about punishment at all? Pastor Nicole ch challenges one of the most quoted parenting ideas in the church. I'm Pastor Jason Barnett, and this is the Dirt Pastor Men Podcast. Welcome back to the Dirt Pastorment Podcast. I'm Pastor Jason Barnett, aka the Dirt Path Pastor, and this sermon takes a subject that has shaped countless homes, churches, and families. Most of us have heard the phrase, spare the rod, spoil the child. And some of us grew up hearing it, some of us lived it, and some of us have repeated it ourselves. But what if we've never s stopped to ask what the Bible is actually saying there? This message isn't about parenting. It's about authority, discipline, correction, and the kind of image of God we reflect to people around us. So whether you're raising children, leading a ministry, teaching a class, serving on a board, or simply trying to follow Jesus, this conversation matters. Pastor Nicole shares a biblical insight along with personal experience and a challenge that will make all of us think carefully about how we use the influence God has entrusted to us. So let's settle in and let's spend a few minutes together on the dirt path.

SPEAKER_04 2:29

Good morning. Um so Jason, yeah, I'm explaining things Pentecost Sunday. Are we celebrate? I'm gonna case this the police chair coming down. I'm gonna talk about the Memorial Day weekend. Today I am talking about the phrase that we've all heard before. This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. And that phrase is usually followed by an inflicted backside, a wooden spoon or two. Or at least that's how it was common in my household growing up. Actually, a time or two, my dad would send me out with some clippers to grab a switch for trees.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

That would be the punishing rule I was use.

SPEAKER_04 3:57

In fact, one Sunday morning I had a fight with my little sister. When I say fight, I mean like we were arguing in the car on the way to church. And my dad just had it for me. So we went to the janitor's closet at our church and grabbed a pair of clippers from the janitor's closet instead of beating turns and yards instead of go find Swift. And I remember I had a stand in the back of the church then because I current to sit down. Well, so I'm not in my life. Those are fun times. And the thing is, that was that was kind of the at least my church's recommendation for punishment. You know, it wasn't anything with any lasting physical harm. It was recommended by all the parenting books that my parents read at the time.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

I mean you had a strong-willed, stubborn child, you had to break their will. And I mean that's what the Bible commanded.

SPEAKER_04 5:16

When it said Sam Iran spoiled a child, right? Well, fun fact, the Bible never actually says that. That actually is a quote from a poem. The Bible does say something similar. The statement, spare the rod, spoil the child, that is not from the Bible. It's a reference, and a very poor reference, I might add, to Proverbs 13, 24. And that's our text for today. One verse. And that verse says, the one who spares his rod hates his child. But the one who loves his child is diligent and disciplined in him. Now I know what you're thinking. Pastor Nicole isn't that the same thing. It sounds like it in English. But the Bible was not written in English.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

And this particular part was written in Hebrew. So I forgot Hebrew lesson.

SPEAKER_04 6:45

There are two words in this verse that help define its meaning. Two words. The first one meaning rod. In the original word, the word rod, or the in the Griswell text, the word that we translate to rod is a subet. And this is the same word used referring to a scepter, like a king's scepter that he would use to summon people or to direct people. It was also used as a as a symbol of a tribe or a clan. So it represented unity and family. And yes, it also represented it was also spoken about as a shepherd for all. That is a claw that meant for shattering. Or nakav, which means to strike or beat or smite. There's makab, which means to wound or beat, and then there's the soul, which is a whip or a scourge. That was used for beating and for directing. But none of these words are used here. The word used is cement, a word representing authority, trying government governance, and gentle correction. And the other word that is important for us to examine in this verse is discipline. If you open up your Bibles, you might see things like chastisement or chasten. But the word is musol. And it is used in scripture to mean instruction, correction, chastisement, to check oneself, to bond, discipline, doctrine, and review. But never once in scripture does it translate to physical punishment. Again, there are words in scripture that can translate to this. Also means to discipline and to chasten, but it also, but its connotation is physical punishment.

SPEAKER_02 10:16

But neither of those words are used in this verse.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

Instead, the proverb uses musar, which suggests something beyond the physical discipline. Now, this is not a sermon condemning the use of scripting. Okay. I do have a firm belief that the punishment must fit the crime. So I'm not saying that if you feel like you do choose thank your child occasionally, then you're wrong and then you have a terrible head out. I'm not saying that. As my kids, I've spanked them a few times. A lot of learned. A couple of them are so discovering that it's ineffective. I wonder why.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

So I'm not saying that the Bible condemns visit a lot of time. Only that this verse may not be the endorsement that we think it is, because this verse suggests something so much deeper. It requires more commitment on our part and less fear on the part of our.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

My grandpa used to over sheep. So I know she's having to. And he had this one sheep in particular. That sheep was stubborn. And it was stupid. And it it found even the tiniest habit of fat sailor belief. It's kind of like a dog.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

And that's the way sheep are. Sheep are not particularly bright, man.

SPEAKER_04 13:25

What do you say when you blindly follow someone? Or would people hold you when you blindly follow something? Sheep. You're not it's not as simple as intelligence. Sheep are sheep are numb. And they are prone to wander away from the plot and brought to the staff more common tools used by shepherds to keep sheep safe. But how were they used? Well, the shepherd's staff had that hook on the end, right? And those hooks were used to pull a sheep around the net, not choke them, but to gently steer them in a direction away from danger. Keep them close to the plot, keep them close to the shepherd. And then if a land or a sheep fell into like a crevice, they would use that hook to scoop them out kind of like label.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

But rods were different. Rods were generally used in three ways.

SPEAKER_04 14:39

First, they were used to correct a sheep's direction. So if a sheep was wandering too far away from the flock and they were approaching danger, the shepherd would throw the rod so it would bounce off of something beyond the sheep. So if I hear, the rod would be hitting somewhere up here. And it would startle, the noise would startle the sheep, and it would steer away from that noise, and it would go back to the floor. The second way that the rod was used was to carefully inspect the sheep for parasites or wounds and infections. And the the shepherd would use the rod to kind of separate the wool and examine it for fleas, ticks, mites, wounds, increase, things like that. And in order to be able to do that, the shepherd had to be trusted by the sheep, right? Sheep's not going to let anybody near it that is spearhead. And then third, the rod would be used as a weapon, but not against the sheep. The rod would be used as a weapon against wolves or bears or other predators that might come in and try to harm the sheep. And that rod that was used by the shepherds was not seen as a separate tool. It was seen as an extension of the shepherd's hand. So when the sheep saw that rod, they saw the shepherd. And that means it was absolutely imperative that the shepherds use that rod in a way that wouldn't scare the sheep when they saw it. That rod meaning to be used in a way that communicated safety and guidance and protection and care to the sheep.

SPEAKER_02 16:54

So that way the sheep wouldn't fear when they saw it.

SPEAKER_04 16:59

Because what's a sheep do when it's scared? It runs away. The rod is meant to bring protection, attention, and comfort. And notice that the word rod is also used in a very popular final passage. Psalm 23. How many of us have ever said, Oh, your heart and conditions have comforted me?

SPEAKER_02 17:42

I don't want that comforted by hush hush. The truth remains that no one is ever truly comforted by being hit on.

SPEAKER_04 18:01

But that does not mean that we disregard authority. We do not disregard the authority of the word rod. Because it also implies kingly governance, kingly authority.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Because rod also carries the meaning of scepter. A symbol of the king's responsibility to be the king.

SPEAKER_04 18:32

During this time in history, the king's scepter was not merely a decoration or a weapon. It was a visible sign that the king was present, that he was attentive, and that he was active in governing his people. When kings would hold court, the scepter would remain in the king's hand as he directed servants, made rulings, settled disputes, and carried out judgments. In other words, the scepter was not simply a symbol of power, it was a symbol of responsibility. The willingness to be an active presence in the lives of the people. So what does this mean in the context of parenting? Because children are cheap. And uh sorry to all of our egos here, but none of us are games. We are parents. At least many of us are and the kiddos in our church and in our community are a stubborn.

SPEAKER_05 19:59

Yeah, I'm not gonna end with it.

SPEAKER_04 20:02

They are snacky. Sometimes they do stupid things without thinking. Sometimes they do stupid things knowing exactly what they're doing. And on the surface, in those moments, it just looks like they're being defiant. What did we do then? What do we do when a child is seeking to be defiant? What do we do when a kid is acting stupid? What do we do when they're being stubborn or being snarky? Can't just like fly, can't we? I'm gonna have to share it or so, sorry. Many of you know that I'm a former foster thing. I was adopted officially when I was 12 years old, but I was placed in foster care at set. Prior to foster care, I had an experience with extreme black film apart to the adults in my life. And physical beatings that can get from my open girl. I entered my adoptive home as an awkward inflight ball girl with a lot of psychological damage.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

I would say who the weirdest things at the most inopportune times. I would interrupt conversations, I'd act like a wild child. And I had the worst ever.

SPEAKER_04 21:55

At the drop of a hat, I would go from the happiest child in the To a child who no matter what you did would not read that. I was a broken little girl. But on the surface, I just look like a defiant star. And then on the phone that I ended up with they healed Proverbs 1324. As an endorsement for Portal Watch. Not just an endorsement, but a command.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

And it started slow because I was so desperate for care of the cert that I would share everything with my dumb family. But eventually I became a scary little sheep.

SPEAKER_04 23:10

I don't like the one in the back shot. There was one time I interrupted my foster mother on the phone and got an alerting minute screaming butcher. About being lighting a slap on the face for interrupting and then I wasn't that side so that I wanted that I was shooting both. And I were. But I also learned that my mom was scary when she can't bring it.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

I had been dealing with food scarcity prior to being placed in foster care, and I would eat fast when I had food. Like I would shovel it in my mouth, and I made a mess.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

But then my foster father, now my adopted father, called me disgusted when he told me that no one would ever fall in love with me and they're doing such bad manners. And when I cried, I was given something to eye out. And little by little, my walls built up with my lumber parents. Yes, I learned the ways I needed to behave. Yes, they kept me in bite.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

I learned how to keep bikes. I learned how to keep my words. I learned what to say and what not to say. Learned what to do and what not to do.

SPEAKER_04 24:54

But I also learned to categoric raised voices.

SPEAKER_02 24:58

I still give my thought against I flinched when someone moved to Sunday Sweet. And according to our pastoral assessment psychological tests, I had an unhealthy distrust of people. I learned the hold. My parents' rod had not brought me to work.

SPEAKER_04 25:52

See, I'm and at least like a friend of my parents on the side. And their response is that I was a difficult child. It was difficult. And I'm not I'm not denying I was. Oh male. There are times where I look at them like I might kill you. But I was a wounded little girl. And rather than using the rod to examine my heart, they used it to make the words worse. And that is the risk that we as parents and adults in these children's lives run when we use when when we build the rod as a club. And I pray that no one in this room, no child in this room has the same wounds that I experienced.

SPEAKER_02 26:57

But that does not mean that they are unfortunate. We don't know every little interaction that they have at school.

SPEAKER_04 27:09

We don't know the wounds that are inflicted by their peers or their teachers. And things that might not include us, it could still wound them. We don't know the side comments made by the adults in their lives, whether at school or at home or even here at church. We don't know the wounds that our children are gaining from exposure to media. We don't know the wounds that our children are gaining invaded lives. We don't know the wounds that our children have other symptoms that cause them to snap or react or to stutter me with kissing them. No matter how well I know my children, I know that I'm not with them when four settlement. I won't know what's hurting. And I will never know what's hurting them if I use the rod as a tool for fear. I will never know what's hurting them if I use the rod as a weapon, to beat them into submission, and to mold them into an image of me. Instead, I need to use the rod in my relationship with my children and the relationship with the children of the church to strengthen my relationship with them. So they know that I am using it as a means of protection and to indicate my presence, that I am there for them. I will guard them fiercely. And I will gently guide them. And it's only when we build that trust that they can be willing to share their wounds with us. So they can be treated. So they can receive healing. Not somebody who's there for Moment and MBs, like so many children deal with nowadays with their parents.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

But somebody, regardless of their behavior, regardless of their difficulty, at least say I'm taking up this center and choosing to be a person you can rely on.

SPEAKER_04 30:39

Not just when it's immediate, not just when it's comfortable, but even and especially when the woods are festering and acting out. Because the thing is, is that is exactly what Christ did for us.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

While we were still sinners, he died for us. Before we were the obedient followers, he made the sacrifice. He didn't punish us until we became obedient and then made the sacrifice.

SPEAKER_04 31:25

He took up the rod and protection of us and died for us. He took up the responsibility and thought to never leave us or forsake us. That's not conditional.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

That's not saying he cannot difficult. He guides us, he gives, and he loves. And as he loves us, we are called to love.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

And here's the scary reality, and it's one that has become very real in my life. Because I told you the experience that I had from yet.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

My siblings had very similar to your basics.

SPEAKER_04 32:26

We grew up being told that you've the son's house. And that we need to be like Jesus. And we grew up being told by our parents we love you. And we want to be like Jesus. The image of Jesus that we got from our parents was it was distorted.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

And my sister.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

She doesn't she saw the inconsistency.

SPEAKER_02 33:23

She said if this is pleased about the Jesus, I don't want.

SPEAKER_04 33:37

We're telling our children that they need to be like Jesus and that we love them that we want to be like Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 33:48

But what image of Jesus are we showing them? Are we showing them the good shepherd?

SPEAKER_04 33:59

The one who jet these fears and the one who protects fiercely? Are we showing them the good king? The one who protects his kingdom takes up his responsibility and rules with love and grace and mercy.

SPEAKER_02 34:22

Are we showing them a punishing chemical? And a tyrant. Because the image we show them today is the one they will either choose to follow. Or choose to reject their round.

SPEAKER_04 35:04

Train up your child in a way he shouldn't go. When he is old, we've got the partner. But if we are training our child up and see Jesus as a tyrant, what's the following?

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Oh no. Let's show them.

Pastor Jason 35:37

As you're listening to Nicole's message, maybe you realize you've been using your authority in ways that have caused harm. Maybe you're a parent, grandparent, teacher, pastor, coach, or simply someone who has influence in the lives of others. If you're honest, there have been times when frustration won out over patience, your anger won out over compassion, or your need to control won out over care. If that's you, don't run from conviction. Receive it as a gift. Jesus does not reveal our failures to shame us. He reveals them so he can transform us. Repentance is not the end of the story. It's the beginning of healing. Now maybe you're listening today from the other side of this message. Maybe you've been wounded by someone who was supposed to protect you. Someone who was in authority, but they used that authority against you instead of for you. And maybe the people who taught you about God made it difficult to trust him. That's you hear this. The failures of people do not define the character of Jesus. He is the good shepherd. He sees your wounds, he knows your story, and he invites you to bring those hurts into his healing presence. Would you pray with me? Father, thank you for speaking to us through your word today. Thank you for being a shepherd who guides, protects, examines, and cares for your sheep. Forgive us for the times when we have used our influence carelessly or harshly. Teach us to reflect your character in our homes, our churches, and our relationships. For those carrying wounds from the past, bring healing. For those wrestling with conviction, bring repentance. For those trying to lead others, bring wisdom and patience. Help us to become people whose lives point others toward Jesus instead of away from him. We ask all of this in the name of Jesus. Amen. Well, thank you for listening to the Dirt Pastorman Podcast. If this message encouraged you, be sure to follow, subscribe, and share the podcast with a friend. You can also connect with us through Ravenna Church of the Nazarene and the Dirtpath Pastor online. And you can send me an email. My email is simply thedirtpathpastor at gmail.com. That's no capitalization, just dirtpath at gmail.com. And as you go, we uh we also encourage you to support the work of Nazarene Compassionate Ministries. If you uh support the show financially, 100% of what you give will go toward the Nazarene Compassionate Ministries. They work to be the hands and feet of Jesus in some of life's darkest moments around the world. Uh through disaster response, child development, refugee assistance, clean water projects, and community care around the world, they are helping the church be the hands and feet of Jesus to people in need. Remember this. The authority God gives us is never meant to push people away from him. It's meant to help them experience his love, his protection, and his care. May the people around you see more of the good shepherd because of the way you live this week. Until next time, grace and peace to you in the name of Jesus. Thank you for listening to this episode of The Pass Map Podcast. It's recorded live in a church that's screen. If you'd like to send me a message, you do like the same.